LIVE LIKE A VIKING
Somaderm Gel Challenge
I’m about to give the worst product review you’ve ever seen in your life. I’m not necessarily talking about the product itself, but rather the way in which this product review was conducted. So, if you have nothing else to do, let’s get started…
The reason this review is the worst you’ve ever seen is because I have absolutely NO experience with this product. I’ve never touched it, I’ve never owned it, I don’t even know anybody that’s used it. That said, the product I’ll be reviewing today is Somaderm HGH Gel. If you’ve ever encountered somebody that sells it, you’re familiar with the mantra… say it with me now… “It is the only FDA Registered Transdermal Human Growth Hormone Product Available Without A Prescription.” It’s like these people have to memorize that tag line before the company will ship a single bottle from the warehouse.
This product claims to possess every benefit offered by injectable HGH, but you don’t have to stick yourself with a needle to experience all that goodness. Better mood, increased strength, enhanced libido, muscle tone, hair growth, fat loss, feel younger… Sounds great, right? Now I will give the company credit for putting the word, “May” in front of all of these claims. It’s actually “May Experience Significant Fat Loss”, “May Enhance Muscle Mass”. There’s also an asterisk after each claim, which is connected to a paragraph at the bottom of the page, which states, “These statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Individual results will vary.”
Truth be told, injectable HGH isn’t acknowledged by the FDA as being an anti-aging solution either. So far so good. I have no issues with the product or its marketing tactics yet.
So what makes me an expert on this subject? What gives me the right to review a product I’ve never even seen in person? How about Logic. Independent thought. Common Sense.
First, Human Growth Hormone is some powerful stuff. As the name implies, it can make you grow. It’s used to make young children grow. It can make all of your tissue grow. It can make your hands grow, your feet grow, it can make your face grow… which, by the way, is called Acro Meg Ahl Lee. If you remember Andre The Giant, you’ve seen a case of Acro Meg Ahl Lee.
So let’s get to it. My initial issue with Somaderm is the lack of medical supervision. You’re never tested to see if you have an HGH deficiency. You’re never tested to see if you have any other medical issues that would conflict with this therapy. You’re handed a bottle of what is touted to be an extremely powerful compound, with miraculous benefits, and there’s no prescription necessary. Here’s a bottle, rub some on yourself…
With injectable HGH you need blood work. You need a physician to review your blood work. You need to have an HGH deficiency. You need a prescription. The lack of involvement of a medical professional should be your first red flag.
Next, let’s talk about dosage. Again, we allegedly have a bottle of what they’re touting as HGH. A substance that’s very powerful. A substance that needs to be dosed in precise increments. And what are those precise increments? “Rub a couple of pea-sized amounts on a veiny part of your body”. Seriously? A couple of “Pumps” from the bottle? That’s your dosage? With injectable HGH your dosage is calculated from the IGF-1 deficiency shown in your blood work. And it’s very precise. In my case, for instance, I take 1.5 IU’s of Omnitrope 5 days on and 2 days off. 1.5 IU’s is very specific… You will never hear a medical professional say, “Here’s a few needles and a vial, just squirt some of that shit in your stomach every day.”
Third, we’ll address the marketing method. The makers of “The Only FDA Registered Transdermal Human Growth Hormone Product Available Without a Prescription” have chosen to distribute their product through an MLM Channel. MLM stands for Multi-Level Marketing. Why is this significant? Because MLM’s are only good for Tupperware, Costume Jewelry, and Sex Toys. You market a product through an MLM because if you didn’t, the rate of attrition would far exceed the rate of acquisition. In layman’s terms, you’d lose far more people than you gained if you didn’t have a small army constantly recruiting people with false hope and pipe dreams of becoming their own boss; quitting their 9 to 5, laying on a beach somewhere while their minions made them millions; the only stress of the day is deciding whether their butler, Pedro, should make them a Mai Tai or a Margarita the next time their glass is empty. Right…
The reality is, you don’t market a successful product with an MLM. To begin with, no sound business man would want to dilute the profits across multiple layers of salespeople. You only implement an MLM when you need a Scorched Earth Sales Strategy. Promise the world, get others to buy in, have them promise the world to others, and before everybody realizes they’ve been scammed, the people at the top have sufficiently padded their pockets. It’s the exact reason MLM is synonymous with Pyramid Scheme.
But let’s say that still hasn’t thrown a red flag for you. By the way, if it hasn’t, I have this bridge for sale… but let’s save that for later.
Now I’d like to take a brief intermission to do an analogy, in an effort to show a visual representation of the difference between injectable HGH and HGH Gel. I’m going to need you to pay close attention. This is a truck. This is also technically a truck. Both could be marketed as a truck. This truck needs insurance and a licensed driver. This truck can be owned and operated by somebody that still pees their pants. Analogy over. Let’s get back to work.
I can hear the argument now, “Well Sam, just because they hand you a bottle and tell you to rub a small amount of gel onto your wrists, that doesn’t mean people are going to abuse it. In fact, if you wanted to, you could take far more injectable HGH than you’re prescribed also”. And I would give you that argument if it weren’t for the fact that you have a mandatory blood work requisition every quarter on injectable HGH. The doctor won’t even give you the next prescription until he reviews your IGF-1 levels from the past 3 months. So yes, you could take more injectable HGH than prescribed, but only for a brief period of time. You can’t jump online and get another bottle of Omnitrope without a prescription…
Like you can with gel…
And on injectable HGH the doctor wouldn’t continue your treatment if your IGF-1 values were outside of the parameters of what’s deemed to be “safe”. With gel, you could bathe in the stuff and nobody would ever know.
Let’s move on to the testimonials. People love this stuff, right? If you search YouTube you can find a plethora of people claiming, “After just 2 days I was sleeping better, I had so much energy, I was born again… Hallelujah!”
You ever play the game Bullshit? Yeah, I’d call bullshit to those claims.
Even the anti-aging clinics tell you there will be an approximate ramp up period of 3 months before you will feel any noticeable effects with injectable HGH. They say you should expect 6 months of treatment before the full effects will be experienced. Based upon my own personal findings with Omnitrope, they are correct. Claiming that you’ve been taking HGH gel for 2 days and you already sleep like a baby, your type 1 diabetes has been reversed, you no longer have that brain tumor, and your teenage daughter is no longer pregnant… well… are we still playing bullshit?
And as if all of this weren’t enough, let’s focus on the terminology of the mantra… “The Only FDA Registered Transdermal… blah… blah… blah… Notice the word Registered. Does it say Approved? Of course it doesn’t. I could register anything with the FDA… doesn’t mean they agree with me. If the FDA agreed with them it would be called, “The Only FDA APPROVED Transdermal… blah… blah… blah”. That, my friends, is approaching the realm entitled, “False and Misleading Advertising Claims”.
Still think I’m not qualified to review this product? Ok. I’ll keep going. Damn, you’re a tough audience…
Fine, I’ll move on to Active Ingredients. The HGH portion of the active ingredients in this trans-dermal gel is HGH 30X. Sounds like 30 times the amount of normal HGH, right? Um… Unfortunately not. The letter “X” denotes a 1 to 10 dilution. Therefore, a 1 to 10 dilution was performed 30 times, one right after the next, meaning at every “X”, the solution is 10 times more diluted than the previous sample. To put this into perspective, at 8X arsenic is diluted to the point where it’s safe for drinking water. At 30X, which again is the concentration of HGH in Somaderm, you can’t even be sure there’s HGH in the bottle.
Oh, so that’s why you don’t need a doctor or a prescription. I guess I could have covered this first and saved us both a lot of time.
Lastly, and I don’t even feel like I need another point, if this product does half of what they claim it does, and you don’t need a prescription or doctor to buy it… Hello Oprah’s Favorite Things! You don’t think it would be in EVERY Walgreens, CVS, Walmart, Target… and on the shelves of every other retailer you can imagine? Headlines in the New York Times, in every news story from CNN to Foxx. You’d have Somaderm vending machines at Disneyland and there’d be HGH Gel delivery services that drop it off on your doorstep. Democrats AND Republicans would be sharing bottles.
Yet, sadly it isn’t. Instead you have Suzy, a stay at home mom with 3 kids in diapers, calling everybody she knows, and recruiting like the U.S. Military at war time. Her sales pitch is she’s been on the “Juice” for 2 days now and already she been sleeping 10 hours a night, the kids don’t fight anymore, and the cat no longer throws up hairballs. She stretches the truth because she hasn’t told her husband she spent all the rent money on the HGH Gel Starter Kit. Momma needs to make a profit…
Anyway, let’s just stop there. I don’t think I need to summarize this video as I’m confident you know my stance on the Somaderm product. For those of you that would still choose to argue with me, that bridge I spoke about earlier, I’ve just drastically reduced the price…
Email me for details.
Until next time… Peace Out…